June 8, 1933– Joan Alexandra Molinsky’s death, sudden & unnecessary continues to shock me. I have been a fan for 50 years & I must admit I miss her very much. A true comedy pioneer, Joan Rivers was transgressive & transporting, brash & bold. The first time I saw her was on The Tonight Show in 1965 & her shtick was the message that I needed to hear as a little gay child:
“Life is very tough. If you don’t laugh, it’s even tougher. I’m in nobody’s circle. I’ve always been an outsider.”
Rivers was never afraid of controversy in the service of her comedy. That is just one of the many reasons that I love her. For me, speaking a truth, saying out-loud what most other people are thinking, is the very essence of what is funny, a gasp & then a laugh.
“I am thrilled that Anderson Cooper finally came out of the closet, because this explains why he never tried to date me. I saw him as the perfect package. I would have loved Gloria Vanderbilt as a mother-in-law. This explains everything.”
For 6 decades Rivers changed how women were considered as stand-up comics in show biz. From her first appearances with Johnny Carson to Celebrity Apprentice (which she won & boosted her career) to Fashion Police, Rivers continued to lambast the sexual double standard. She was an Emmy winning talk show host, Tony nominated actor, bestselling writer, a jewelry designer & balloon popper of the pompous.
I always anxiously waited for her wrap-up of award shows best & worst dressed. The Husband & I laughed & wondered at the brilliant & honest documentary, Joan Rivers: A Piece Of Work (2010), again with a gasp & then the big laugh. This documentary follows one year in the life of Rivers, with a calendar full of engagements, sometime several each day, working to support her opulent lifestyle, & to bolster her own sense of self-worth as a basically insecure person who was better known now for her overuse of cosmetic surgery rather than her own work as a comedy professional. She worked that full schedule up until the day she was killed.
I winced when shortly before she left this world, a friend on The Facebook referred to her as “that hag, Joan Rivers…”. But I loved Rivers because she un-apologetically skewered everyone & everything that came in to her orbit. She injected crass & controversial cracks into the world of buttoned-up, male-dominated network TV shows, & the boys’ club of comedy spots.
It might surprise some of my friends to know that she was one of my idols, even though I try to keep my humor smaller & with a gentler touch. She did inspire me to be unafraid to say ANYTHING.
In 1989 Rivers became the host of The Joan Rivers Show, the first woman to host a late show, for which she won her Emmy Award, & which famously got her barred from appearing on Carson’s Tonight Show. After a decades-long shut-out, Rivers was invited back to The Tonight Show in 2014 by Jimmy Fallon.
In 2013 Rivers launched In Bed With Joan, a weekly Web series of interviews with celebrities. Rivers even got cozy with World Of Wonder stars RuPaul Charles & James St. James.
Rivers continued to cook up controversy in the last year of her life. She stormed out of a CNN interview after being asked whether there should be boundaries on her jokes, particularly when it affects public figures.
“Life is very tough & if you can tell a joke to make something easier & funny, do it.”
Rivers ignored the whole notion of “too soon.” Days after her the funeral of husband, Edgar, who had committed suicide, she claimed that she’d scattered his ashes at Neiman Marcus, so she could visit 5 times a week.
Rivers always wanted to be taken as a serious actor & she stated that comedy was a fall-back profession when she had trouble finding work on the stage. In 1959, at the start of career, she was cast opposite a then unknown Barbra Streisand in an Off-Off-Broadway play in which the pair of future gay icons played lesbians & had a kissing scene.
“This was before she was singing, before anything. I knew she was talented, but you never know what someone will be. She was a fabulous kisser, that’s what I knew.”
Rivers was also one of show biz’s most vocal supporters of LGBT equality. Speaking out, having gay guests on her TV shows & serving on the board of the HIV services organization God’s Love We Deliver from its very start.
“My gay fans have been wonderful from day one. I remember when I was working at the Duplex in Greenwich Village at the beginning of my career & the only ones who would laugh at my jokes were the gay guys. I think if I had started out in straight clubs & bars I never would’ve gotten anywhere.”
I am acquainted with several people that knew or met Rivers & claim that she was a most generous & loving friend. My buddy on The Facebook & Instagram, the handsome & talented David Dangle, a 3 time Emmy winning designer, was Rivers right-hand-gay & is CEO of her QVC brand. He suffered a terrible loss at her passing & has praised his dear friend’s generosity & spirit.
At her 5th Avenue palace, River had a pillow & stitched on it was the phrase: “Don’t Expect Praise Without Envy Until You Are Dead.” Rivers had long stated that when she left this world she’d be sanctified just like Lenny Bruce, her hero. That adage proved true. After her death, last September, the praise came from friends & foes, all naming her as a trailblazer & a force of nature.
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