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#RIPLOL: This Guy’s Obit Is the Funniest Thing You’ll Read All Day…

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No, death is NOT funny, and normally obituaries aren’t either. (Did Terry Wayne Ward plan that his obit would make him famous?) After appearing on the Geisen Funeral Home website the internet cannot stop laughing. Here are some excerpts:

Terry Wayne Ward, age 71, of DeMotte, IN, escaped this mortal realm on Tuesday, January 23rd, 2018, leaving behind 32 jars of Miracle Whip, 17 boxes of Hamburger Helper and multitudes of other random items that would prove helpful in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

Apparently, Terry wasn’t a great student…

Terry graduated from Thornridge High School in South Holland, IL, where only three of his teachers took an early retirement after having had him as a student.

But he WAS gainfully employed …

He retired from AT&T (formerly Ameritech, formerly formerly Indiana Bell) after 39 years of begrudging service, where he accumulated roughly 3,000 rolls of black electrical tape during the course of his career (which he used for everything from open wounds to “Don’t use this button” covers).

He was, well, kinda basic…

He despised “uppity foods” like hummus, which his family lovingly called “bean dip” for his benefit, which he loved consequently. He couldn’t give a damn about most material things, and automobiles were never to be purchased new. He never owned a personal cell phone and he had zero working knowledge of the Kardashians.

And he was NOT up on current films…

Terry died knowing that ‘The Blues Brothers’ was the best movie ever, (young) Clint Eastwood was the baddest-ass man on the planet, and hot sauce can be added to absolutely any food.

But he was a fun guy, it seems…

Memorial donations in Terry’s name can be made to your favorite charity or your favorite watering hole, where you are instructed to tie a few on and tell a few stories of the great Terry Ward.

Yes, we all better get started on our obits to top this one.

RIP Terry.


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