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It’s Your Birthday, Bitch! Here Are Some Fun Facts About Jared Kushner to Help Celebrate His Special Day

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Photograph via YouTube

“I had no improper contacts.”

The third most powerful man in the world turns 36-years-old today. Jared Kushner was very busy in 2017 solving the planet’s problems. He must be exhausted. He looks so gaunt these days; I am worried. Kushner has more on his plate than birthday cake. He has vowed to find the solutions to some of the world’s most complicated issues, all while navigating an investigation into his family’s real-estate company as well Robert Mueller’s probe into Russian meddling during the 2016 election. What is a boy to do?

Here are some fun tid-bits about the birthday boy:

In his hot bestselling book Fire And FuryMichael Wolff recounts POTUS telling “multiple people” that “the Kushners knew all the crooks in Israel”.

Before taking his role in The White House, Kushner failed to disclose his role as a director of the Charles and Seryl Kushner Foundation, which funded Israeli settlement construction considered illegal under international law.

Kushner was hit with a lawsuit last month alleging illegal omissions on his public financial disclosure forms. The suit alleges that Kushner failed to identify the assets owned by 30 investment funds that he has stakes in. The complaint filed in U.S. District Court in Washington DC also claims he should have declared the value of income he derived from his investments, but he did not.

Kushner’s NYC buildings are mostly owned by other people, except for the portentously named 666 Fifth Avenue, a building Kurshner purchased in 2007 for $1.8 billion. At the time, it was the most anyone had paid for a building in NYC. One-fourth of its offices now sit empty, lease revenue does not cover monthly interest payments. A $1.2 billion mortgage, with escalating interest rates, comes due next year.

Kushner registered to vote as a woman for eight years. This is according to his publicly accessible New York State voter information.

Roger Stone, the charming former Richard Nixon hatchet-man and friend of POTUS, alleges that POTUS’s conservative agenda has been sabotaged by Kushner.

His sister Nicole Kushner’s name was in noted pedophile and POTUS pal Jeffrey Epstein’s “Little Black Book”. His brother Joshua Kushner was spotted taking part in the massive Women’s March held in DC the day after the inauguration.

Kushner is close friends with Henry Kissinger and Rupert Murdoch. A former associate of Murdoch’s said:

“I think Jared has been the key in getting Rupert to come around to the idea of a Trump Presidency.”

Jared Speaks! When Kushner gave a rare public speech last summer about how the administration is working to modernize the federal government’s antiquated technology system, instantly, his voice became a topic of derision and mockery. From Twitter:

“Hearing his voice is a reminder that masculinity is dying.”

“Somebody fucked up that circumcision”.

“As expected, he sounds as if he’s months into hormone replacement therapy.”

Both Kushner and Ivanka, the prettiest of the White Nationalists, have been using their personal email addresses for official White House business. Lock them up!

Charles Kushner, created Kushner Companies, one of the largest private landlords on the East Coast. One former Kushner Companies executive said of the senior Kushner:

“If you pissed him off, it was like somebody gave him drugs. He was like an animal, cursing and foaming at the mouth.”

Charles Kushner, like POTUS, has a tendency to withhold payment from contractors, cleaners, and architects. These people are then forced to accept a fraction of the money owed them.

In the late 1990s, Charles Kushner met closet case James McGreevey. You remember McGreevey, the guy who resigned as Governor of New Jersey after admitting that his “truth” was that he was a “gay American”? As Governor, he nominated Charles Kushner to be the chairman of the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey. Kushner would have been in charge of the rebuilding of the World Trade Center, controlling billions of dollars in state contracts. However, there were questions about donations and charitable contributions. Chris Christie, then the U.S. Attorney for the state of New Jersey, looked into Charles Kushner’s campaign donations. The elder Kushner believed that his sister, Esther Schulder, was cooperating with Christie, so he set a trap for Esther’s husband, Billy Schulder by getting a prostitute to have sex with him and filming the assignation. The film somehow reached the federal authorities.

Eventually, Charles Kushner was jailed for 14 months after pleading guilty to 18 counts of tax evasion, witness tampering, and making illegal campaign donations. The issue of prison reform hits close to home for Jared Kushner. His new prison reform initiative is at odds with Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III’s prison-happy Justice Department.

Kushner avenged his father with nerve racking force. Christie was being considered as his father-in-law’s running mate, but Kushner pushed for LGBTQ hating Mike Pence instead. Christie was later put in charge of the transition team, but Kushner was behind Christie’s eventual departure from that role too. Poor Christie ended up with nothing.

According to Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Daniel Golden, Jared benefited from the incredible advantage of being his father’s son. Though he was a poor student, Jared was accepted to Harvard after his father gave $2.5 million to the university. While at Harvard, Jared reportedly drove a Range Rover, even though he has said that he “didn’t have a car” in college. About driving that Range Rover, a college classmate told The New Yorker:

“He didn’t do it with a sense of humor. He did it, like, ‘I’m fucking rich.'”

Kusher was studying to get an MBA at NYU, his father’s alma mater and the recipient of another notable donation of $3 million, when his father was sent to prison. He had to drop out to take over the family business.

The Kushners had been top political donors, giving large sums to mostly Democratic candidates, including the Clintons. Jared and Ivanka Trump used to hang with Chelsea Clinton and her husband Mark Mezvinsky.

An Orthodox Jew, Kushner did make an exception to not working on the Sabbath, when in early October 2016, he joined a team of advisers on a Saturday to deal with the fallout of the Access Hollywood “Garb ‘Em By The Pussy” tape. He and Ivanka also received a special exemption during Inauguration weekend so that they could party.

Via YouTube

In July 2016, when that Orange Blob tweeted, then deleted, an image from a White Nationalist website of Hillary Clinton that featured the Star of David and the phrase “most corrupt candidate ever”, Kushner defended his father-in-law:

“It’s simple, really. Donald Trump is not anti-Semitic and he’s not a racist.”

Kushner then revealed the story of his grandparents, Holocaust survivors from Poland who emigrated to the USA in 1949. His family members called him out for it. His cousin Jacob Schulder wrote:

“That my grandparents have been dragged into this is a shame. Thank you Jared for using something sacred and special to the descendants of Joe and Rae Kushner to validate the sloppy manner in which you’ve handled this campaign.”

Jared bought the NY Observer, a NYC weekly. Yet, he hates reporters and the press. He blames the media for damaging his family’s reputation. He even said that he didn’t like reading the Observer before he purchased it. Kushner also doesn’t think the mainstream media had any bearing on the campaign. Still, he was the one that wanted to start the Trump Television Network, when it was assumed his father-in-law would lose the election.

So, here’s to you Jared! Enjoy your cake. Have several pieces, you look too thin. You might not get cake in prison.


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